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"Massster..." this came from a disembodied head floating in front of Raistlin's desk. The archmagus didn't look up immediately, busy scratching writing onto a piece of flattened parchment, the quill in his thin golden fingers practically vibrating with the speed of his notes.

Genessia was a land of fascinating marvels. He'd be sure not to forget a single one.

"Masssster pleasssse," the head tried a second time.

Finally, Raistlin glanced up, impatient at the interruption. "What?"

"Therrrre is an intruderrr in the Grrove."

That. That was interesting, and Raistlin's hand finally stilled. "In the Grove, you say?"

"Yesssss. The defenderrrssss have not been able to kill it..."

Extremely interesting. Something from Genessia, no doubt, nothing else would make sense. The blackrobe dabbed the last of the ink off the feather quill onto a pad and set the instrument aside, and then took the time to carefully close up the inkwell. This could take a while.

And so it was that whatever this stranger was doing, he suddenly wasn't the only living creature in the dark, ancient grove. Raistlin lurked in the deepest shadows, silently watching.

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Raistlin actually set his quill aside in favor of holding his head with his hands, bony elbows propped on his desk. His wide sleeves slid down at the motion, of course. Was that a knife strapped to the inside of one forearm?

Sure was.

"Gods above."

You maybe broke him.

Oh this is a familiar scenario. He went to polish off the bottle, glancing at the knife.

Well... One had to run out of zappy magic power eventually... right? A knife made sense to have, right?

Also yes he is going to assume that's what was used to get... samples. Raistlin.

"I'm just saying, on a scale of one to ten, my dick is a solid nine and a half. I got a second opinion too, I can call him if you want."

"I will take your word for it. I assure you, I did not even look at... that."

Gods, why would he.

Horrifying.

Even though Wade had the benefit of being easier to look at than literally anyone else, in his cursed vision, Raistlin was not a pervert.

"...Bone, tissue, blood. A hand. You will be happy to know that your horrifying leg idea may work better than expected, as none of what I took from you is decomposing in my sight."

Edited 2019-08-03 07:15 (UTC)

"Alright cool." Hey it wasn't a pervert crack. He didn't really think that Raistlin would have. But, he had caught on, very, very quickly, about what kind of reaction he'd get referencing dicks around Raistlin, and he'd be a liar if he said it wasn't kind of fucking hilarious.

Also yes he did actually want to know what the guy took, it was his body parts.

"Sweet, I called it! God it'd look so fucking sick all lit up with red neon, Vanessa's such a buzz kill sometimes." Her and you, Raistlin, his leg lamp idea is great.

"... Can I see?" The hand, mostly. To be honest, he'd never actually bothered checking out his own lopped off parts. Every time he'd lost pieces of himself, it'd usually been in the heat of battle. Not a lot of time to poke a lost limb with a stick.

"It is still a disgusting idea," Raistlin made sure to note, "just more feasible than I initially thought."

As for the question, the archmage gestured to a shelf on one side of the room. In among the other flasks and vials, boxes and pouches, a neatly-severed hand was just... there. Not in a vat, not even wrapped up. Just chillin. It had lost all its blood a while ago, of course. Probably directly into the vial next to it.

The cut was surgical, smooth and precise. Scientific, not spiteful.

"Uh yeah, gross and cool." And feasible, he'll bear that in mind.

He quickly made his way over to the shelf, and with only the barest amount of hesitation... just grabbed that fucking hand right off.

Weird. This was actually kind of weird, and for a moment he just stood there, clasping his own severed hand, looking over the cut at the wrist of it. From what he could see, it wasn't rotting in the slightest, didn't even have a particularly unfortunate odor to it, and he idly flopped the dismembered appendage about for a moment, obviously morbidly fascinated.

"... Dude, I could hide this in my coat sleeve and scare the shit out of some assholes back in town."

Yes.

Yeah.

Yep, that's where his mind went, uh huh.

Raistlin finally deemed his notes dry enough to touch, and stacked them smoothly off to one side, folding his hands on the desk and watching Wade have his little fascination moment with his own hand.

"I'll be sure to cut off a new comedy prop for you next time."

Because why not. It would grow back and Wade wouldn't even be awake for it.

"I thought it prudent to take some samples. If this attempt worked, I still intended to study your condition. If it did not, then I have something I can subject smaller tests upon without your direct involvement."

Won't feel a thing!

"I mean I guess that works, doesn't it?" He gives that had a few more flops before setting it back down. It's not really his anymore, technically.

Not attached to him, doesn't need it, Raistlin can keep the damn thing.

"Maybe you can work on a cancer cure while you're at it."

"You jest," Raistlin lifted his tea to take a sip of the awful concoction, "but I just may."

If he can figure out science even half as well as he knows magic, well. Fuck you, cancer!

The ego, it was big. But also justified?

"I suppose your survival means I will need to enchant that phone case, after all."

"What, you weren't gonna magic up the case if I died?" Fake offense, sure, BUT STILL.

"Man I dropped like fifteen bucks on that case, it's adorable. I should have made my potential final wish that you at least I don't know... magic it to fly."

"Who else would I even permit to contact me in this manner?"

Feel special, Wade. You're an exception, and a positive one for once.

"Aw, you'd only call me? Well fuck, I like you too, buddy."

"Eugh." Raistlin, don't be an asshole.

~~Too late.~~

"No it's too late now. I've imprinted. I like you, and like a venereal disease, I'll never go away.

Ultra buddy."

"How fortunate for me." Dry as the fucking Sahara.

"I mean I think so, now you have someone to call on a boring Saturday afternoon! Everyone needs someone like that.

Hey, this gives me two whole friends here, if I get one more I can call it a squad! What's your thoughts on tigers?"

"They're... fine?" What the hell, Wade.

"Awesome, now what's your thoughts on tigers that are actually shape-shifting fairies? Also fine? Asking for a friend."

Literally.

"...What is a fairy?"

Hey look a magical creature that isn't on Krynn!

"... I guess introducing you to my other buddy probably isn't a very good way to explain fairies to someone."

He likes Tannusen! But uh... Tannusen probably shouldn't be the very first fairy one met.

"I'll get you a book."

"A book would be sufficient."

It wouldn't be, but Raistlin doesn't know that. Also, can't go wrong with a book!

"I will also need material on these atoms you mentioned."

"Yeah, I'll grab you a book on atomic theory and a book on fairies, library has all sorts of shit."

Maybe he could even ask Tannusen for something as well. Who knew, he might get lended a book!

"Atomic theory," repeated not in a shitty way, but to test out the words. "Yes. There is much to learn from this strange... overlapping of planes."

And Raistlin and learning was the real OTP of the multiverse, full stop.

"I mean it'll definitely keep you occupied for a while. Shit's too wordy for me, not enough fucking pictures in 'em."

There's a good chance that's a joke, but regardless, he sets aside the empty wine bottle.

"Alright, I feel less shitty now."

"You do yourself a disservice, Wade. I suspect you are a great deal smarter than you like to let on."

The amount of info he could rattle off about bullets and explosives alone was a good indicator of that.

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