filthhub | Can we make Catholic Guilt gayer

He'd barely been in this place for longer than a few weeks. Just a few weeks out of an immortal life, something that was comparatively a single drop in an endless ocean, a span of time he could blink and miss, an absolutely insignificant speck in the infinite march of time. And somehow, someway, he was already really sick of it. Gabriel could sit here and question this line of thought perhaps. Spend some time doing some actual introspection for the second time in his entire life.

But why would he need to do that when the problem was technically, obvious? He didn't need to ponder his feelings in regards to this, even as his mind drifted back to the mortal he'd found hiding in the woods during that blasphemous festival. It was obvious why he'd be so opposed to it. Just how many mortals were felled during that hunt? How many that simply lacked what was the same stupid luck Hans had when he'd stumbled across him? It had been within his power to do more, he could have done more. Should have done more.

The fact that death was cheap did nothing to assuage that guilt, it didn't make the pain any less real. ... Gabriel had told himself he wouldn't be introspecting and yet-

And yet here he was, pacing like a caged tiger in his room, picking at a wound not because he felt it could be soothed if he did but out of the sheer familiarity of the pain. Better than thinking about other things, he supposed. A feeling he could only pretend was unknown to him swam in the back of his head, a shrouded leviathan who's shape was far more recognizable than he'd be willing to admit. Suggestions sounded in the mire that was his mind, step out for some air, find someone to speak with, but he knew what the Devil sounded like when he spoke. There was no way those idle, innocent suggestions would end well, either for himself or for any soul he happened to stumble upon.

This would pass, and his thoughts would calm eventually. They always had, they always would.

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The only upside of the Hunt was that its violence had staved off the monster a little longer. But as days turned to weeks, Hans was withdrawing on himself rather than trying to find more ways to placate the monster. It's not like he had some moral quandary about sex, but he wasn't seeking it out. And he certainly wasn't trying to inflict more violence.

But that was exactly the problem, wasn't it? If he didn't fuck, if he didn't kill, then he'd end up having to. The monster would be released, and he could turn on anyone.

He could turn on Henry.

That's an unacceptable thought and so he shows up in Gabriel's room, picking at the sleeve of his already threadbare shirt. It's humbling, being here in this world, without wealth or power or status. It's even more humbling still to ask help from an angel.

What choice does he have? He can feel himself growing more irritable, more aggressive. He wants sex in a way he doesn't usually. He knows, from what he's been told, that those are the first stages before their monster forms start showing.

Hans is not aggressive, now, though. He's quiet and he's searching for the courage to voice his desires. To be brave enough to ask Gabriel for help, even when Gabriel has already helped him more than he deserved.

"I, um...do you have a moment?"

The look Hans got at first when he arrived lasted just a split second, the expression nebulously startled. That's right, had he not offered to help him again? In truth, the surprise was born more from how deeply he'd sunken into his own thoughts rather than some expectation that the man wouldn't accept the offer. An edge of anxiety still clung to it though, now wasn't the best time-

"Of course." Gabriel found himself lying a lot more here than he was used to. But refusing to fulfill a promise was far worse. He'd be fine, this would be fine.

"You are unsettled," an obvious statement, made more to indicate he was aware of it, willing to offer comfort, "What troubles you, Hans?" No matter what was going on between Gabriel's ears, his voice gave no indication of it; calm and even, the very picture of holy tranquility.

"I just..." God help him, how is he supposed to voice this? Gabriel had offered, and it was probably even mutually beneficial, assuming the monster thing worked the same on Gabriel as it did on humans, but he's so so very aware of the colossal, celestial gap between the two of them.

He closes the door behind him for some privacy for the two of them, shutting out the outside world. "Um," now it's his turn to pace, awkwardly, all frantic energy with nowhere for it to, "I wanted to ask, if you wanted to -- if we could -- "

No, this feels distinctly not right. He can't proposition an angel of the Lord for sex.

"Well, it's --" he hesitates again, once last time, and then the words come tumbling out of his mouth: "I don't want to turn into a monster. I don't know who else to turn to and I don't want to hurt anyone. So I hope that I could -- well, I'll do whatever you want, really. I just don't want to fuck everything up."

Gabriel may not have had his helm with him to disguise his expression, but it seemed as if the angel was adept enough at masking his feelings without it. Hans' situation resonated with him far more than the mortal would probably believe, a confusing combination of concern and relief all mixing together at once. Was it right, to empathize so with a mortal? Should he feel like this to hear it?

The thought was thrown away. There were other things to concern himself with.

In spite of the directness of the proposition, Gabriel showed no sign of insult or offense. Hans' fears were justified, his reasons behind the request noble, as far as he was concerned. The only other choice was to risk harm to someone else, why wouldn't he ask this of someone beyond that fear?

"Be at ease. I will not refuse you." Soothing, gentle, he reached to rest a hand upon the mortal man's shoulder. "It is not through any failing on your part that you find yourself in this state, of this we both know. And... Just as you are forced to reckon with it, so too am I." He'd admit that much, though not the full effect. That much would do.

"You will not 'fuck everything up', Hans." There was a hint of amusement that slipped into his tone there, he really couldn't help it. "I will assist you in every way that I can."

Gabriel's hand brings him instantly to rest, ceasing with his pacing, his breathing slowing. Gabriel is gentle and kind and good, and it's so easy for him to believe Gabriel when he tells him he won't fuck it up.

More than that, Gabriel's voice is an easy replacement for his own anxious voice inside of his head. And the light amusement, too, only feels good, some part of him inherently pleased that he'd brought some kind of positive reaction to the angel.

"Okay," Hans nods, accepting both the reassurance and Gabriel's intent to help, "Thank you."

For a moment he's just calm and for a moment his thoughts are quiet and then he starts worrying again about how he's supposed to do this or what Gabriel would even like, or if he'd be worthy, but he tries to quiet those, too. He said he wouldn't fuck it up. So he won't fuck it up.

Simple.

"I could..." he knows what he wants to offer, but he blushes, embarrassed all the same, embarrassed to be a mere mortal trying to offer sex to an angel, "use my mouth on you, if you wanted."

Get on his knees, he means. Worship him.

To be perfectly fair to Hans: what Gabriel liked was a bit of a mystery to Gabriel too. Matters of worth, matters of status, none of that really mattered here, not now, and especially not with the threat of death and destruction looming over the mortal's head. Even if Gabriel had managed to arrive long before the events that preceded his arrival here, his opinion wouldn't have been any different; if it was what was necessary, he'd gladly do it without hesitation.

The suggestion might have only provoked a thoughtful, considering expression on Gabriel's face, but the wings suggested more flustered thoughts, as the tips shifted from cool blue to a faint but distinct rosy pink. Surely, surely, that soft glow was the reason his face seemed to turn a shade or two rosier. Surely.

They almost match.

"... There is no place more pious, than on your knees in worship." It wasn't a sin, it wouldn't have been regardless, all for the sake of saving Hans and all others close to him. He couldn't really deny the warm prickling the suggestion brought upon him, the way it pooled in his lower belly and quickened his heart just a little. Wouldn't it be interesting to find out what it was like?

"As I said," Gabriel's thumb slipped behind the waistband of his trousers, his voice even, "I will not refuse you. It would bring me no greater joy than to know you are safe, Hans." He paused, and cleared his throat, "I am... unversed in this. I shall trust in your skill and knowledge." Well, yes of course the angel is a virgin in every regard, why wouldn't he be?

Can we make Catholic Guilt gayer

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