filthhub | (no subject)

(no subject)

"Massster..." this came from a disembodied head floating in front of Raistlin's desk. The archmagus didn't look up immediately, busy scratching writing onto a piece of flattened parchment, the quill in his thin golden fingers practically vibrating with the speed of his notes.

Genessia was a land of fascinating marvels. He'd be sure not to forget a single one.

"Masssster pleasssse," the head tried a second time.

Finally, Raistlin glanced up, impatient at the interruption. "What?"

"Therrrre is an intruderrr in the Grrove."

That. That was interesting, and Raistlin's hand finally stilled. "In the Grove, you say?"

"Yesssss. The defenderrrssss have not been able to kill it..."

Extremely interesting. Something from Genessia, no doubt, nothing else would make sense. The blackrobe dabbed the last of the ink off the feather quill onto a pad and set the instrument aside, and then took the time to carefully close up the inkwell. This could take a while.

And so it was that whatever this stranger was doing, he suddenly wasn't the only living creature in the dark, ancient grove. Raistlin lurked in the deepest shadows, silently watching.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh good we're back to the six-foot-two immortal kender.

"You are a nuisance." One that he asked to stay, though. "No. Well... yes. But no."

"A nuisance that you asked to hang out with you." Vaguely smug, he is in fact, very proud that he's been invited to stay and yes he's aware he could ruin that at any time but that's okay because it still happened and that's all that matters.

"So, sort of."

"It can be made to cast Featherfall, and float down from a great height." So, sort of. Kind of. It can kind of... glide downward, with its person.

"...Do you wish me to tell you, or are you having a better time guessing?"

"Well that's pretty nifty, but how's it- yeah, yes. I wanna know, tell me the thing."

Do you want to know who has a flair for the dramatic?

This exhausted bastard. There's a faint smirk on his thin lips, and then he glances away from Wade and at the wall on the other side of his nightstand.

The Staff of Magius is just, there. It wasn't a second ago!

"Teleportation."

Pause... Gesture for a second, point... Sit back.

"... Kay. Alright, I guess that works. ... Still would have been cool to watch it finger walk in here, I'm just saying."

"That is a bizarre mental image."

To say the least.

"...The crystal would get in its way."

But he's willing to play along in the bizarre mental image a bit. Must be the sheer exhaustion.

"Noooo, not if it finger kicked a floating feather fall ball up the stairs."

Yes good, engage him in this stupid, stupid conversation, he loves it.

"...Finger kicked a... what?"

Good job, Wade, you broke him.

"Man you know, like- shit actually, have you ever seen a helium balloon before? Fuck, this analogy isn't gonna work if you haven't seen a balloon."

"I have not."

SORRY WADE.

"Okay okay hold on." Phone out, doing something on it, give him a sec... And after a moment, he flipped the phone around for Raistlin to watch.

Watch a video of a cat swatting around a balloon, specifically. TADA.

"Alright that's a balloon. Like a semi-permanent bubble. So what if, what if, the staff cast feather fall on the gem, and then like-" He mimed walking with his fingers for this, because a visual demonstration was in fact very necessary, "kicked the gem up the stairs, like a balloon."

"What a strange object." What was the purpose? And Wade's finger puppet demonstration was met with a furrowed brow.

"The crystal is part of the staff." Why would it detach it to... you know, this whole weird rabbit hole they've gone down is dumb.

This whole conversation is dumb, welcome to friendship with Wade Wilson.

"Look I get that it's physically impossible, it doesn't stop me from thinking it's funny."

"You are a bizarre person."

It's not particularly judgemental, at least. Just an observation!

"... Yes. Yes I am, and we're best friends now."

"...Are we, now."

"You keep this up, I'm gonna start calling you my husband in polite society."

Oh the scandal! See his eyes widen and his cheeks go slightly dark. "You will do no such thing!"

"I will. I'll do it. I'll call you sugar bear and buy you flowers, don't challenge me."

"Unless I, what? Call you a friend? I imagine that would work wonderfully for you in whatever gambit this is."

No one calls Raistlin friend without it being a plot.

"You found me out. This is all a plot, we've gotten to the root of it and now I have no choice but to tell you my awful scheme.

... I really wanna have a best friend."

"...Really. That is the height of your ambition, here?"

Raistlin don't be such a sour dick.

"My ulterior motives are to get a friend so I can call them to talk about stupid shit, like how a staff with fingers might be totally able to finger walk up the stairs, and show them videos of cats on the internet.

My ultimate goal is to blow some more shit up for the giggles in front of an appreciative audience, truly my duplicity knows no bounds."

"Your goals are too low."

Aim higher.

Really it's a compliment, in Raistlin's own way. Wade's better than this being his big goal aside from a cure or death.