filthhub | (no subject)

(no subject)

"Massster..." this came from a disembodied head floating in front of Raistlin's desk. The archmagus didn't look up immediately, busy scratching writing onto a piece of flattened parchment, the quill in his thin golden fingers practically vibrating with the speed of his notes.

Genessia was a land of fascinating marvels. He'd be sure not to forget a single one.

"Masssster pleasssse," the head tried a second time.

Finally, Raistlin glanced up, impatient at the interruption. "What?"

"Therrrre is an intruderrr in the Grrove."

That. That was interesting, and Raistlin's hand finally stilled. "In the Grove, you say?"

"Yesssss. The defenderrrssss have not been able to kill it..."

Extremely interesting. Something from Genessia, no doubt, nothing else would make sense. The blackrobe dabbed the last of the ink off the feather quill onto a pad and set the instrument aside, and then took the time to carefully close up the inkwell. This could take a while.

And so it was that whatever this stranger was doing, he suddenly wasn't the only living creature in the dark, ancient grove. Raistlin lurked in the deepest shadows, silently watching.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I will... ask what you mean by that when I get back. No touching the staff, got it." Normally, he'd do it anyway. Like a lot.

But... wizard. He was willing to resist the temptation of being a contrary piece of shit in the interest of possibly not having something even worse happening to him.

"Any book you were in the middle of?"

"Several," because Raistlin's a super nerd, and reading one book at a time is for squares.

He listed one off, though, to make things simpler. A book on one of the assorted sciences he was studying up on -- nothing magical, sorry Wade. Reading a wizard's spellbooks without being a wizard was a good way to be driven mad, and Wade really didn't need the assistance, there.

He was about to say something along the lines of 'I got two eyes and they only point in one direction', but Raistlin did in fact give him the name of a book to grab. He was, in fact, a little disappointed when it wasn't a magic book, but... well.

He'd come back with the correct book despite his disappointment.

"Alright, A Crack in Creation. You're gonna have to keep your shit together when I mispronounce stuff."

Raistlin had damn near dozed off in the interim, but as soon as Wade came back to the bedroom he mustered some remaining energy to stay awake instead.

"I will endeavor to." To, uh, 'keep his shit together'.

"Alright, good." Trust him on this, he knows a lot of assholes. He's also one of them!

In any case, he'd hunt down the page that had been marked off... and would actually read the damn thing. No stupid jokes, or ridiculous paraphrasing.

... He was absolutely gonna fuck up some of those words though, like he'd said before. He's no scientist.

And Raistlin didn't even twitch whenever it happened. Even the words he'd heard aloud before, or figured out how to say himself. Wade would undoubtedly know he wasn't acing all of it, but one would never tell by his audience.

Eventually, however, Raistlin interrupted. "--What was it you were going to ask?"

He'd said he'd ask about something when he came back. Curiosity was slowly getting the better of the archmage.

"W-oh. Yeah uh... what's up with the staff?" He obviously didn't touch it, that much was clear, but-

"I figured it did something a little more interesting than blow your fingers off if it isn't yours."

"The Staff of Magius is an ancient, powerful artifact with something of a mind of its own. Its favorite tactic for those who are not its master is to drive an interloper mad."

And then, dryly, "I feel that is something you need little assistance with."

"Wow, that's pretty-Are you calling me crazy?" He's not really offended, but he did do his best to work up a little bit of drama into the tone.

"Rude." Very true though, he's not even mad, and not going to actually argue.

"So what, it's just going to hang out in the study until you go get it?" Well... not like it's going to get stolen.

"You claim to like me. A sure sign of madness if there ever was one."

Just try to argue with that one.

"...It will make its way back to me," Raistlin added, not even thinking of the ridiculous image that might make for in Wade's head, "when I have need of it."

"Well welcome to the Crazy Committee, buddy, because you'd have to be a few cards short of a deck to like me too." Crazy friends!

"... What, with the little claw on top? ... Is it gonna finger walk up here?"

"I believe I have explained that I don't."

Liar liar pants-you're-not-wearing on fire.

As for Wade's first guess on how the staff might relocate itself, "No."

"I believe I called you full of shit, so the ball's in your court, man."

Man though, he was really kind of hoping he'd look up and see that weird staff just waddling in on it's funky gold claw.

Man.

"Caaaaaaaaaaan iiiiiiiiit fly?" That's right, this is the twenty questions game now.

Oh good we're back to the six-foot-two immortal kender.

"You are a nuisance." One that he asked to stay, though. "No. Well... yes. But no."

"A nuisance that you asked to hang out with you." Vaguely smug, he is in fact, very proud that he's been invited to stay and yes he's aware he could ruin that at any time but that's okay because it still happened and that's all that matters.

"So, sort of."

"It can be made to cast Featherfall, and float down from a great height." So, sort of. Kind of. It can kind of... glide downward, with its person.

"...Do you wish me to tell you, or are you having a better time guessing?"

"Well that's pretty nifty, but how's it- yeah, yes. I wanna know, tell me the thing."

Do you want to know who has a flair for the dramatic?

This exhausted bastard. There's a faint smirk on his thin lips, and then he glances away from Wade and at the wall on the other side of his nightstand.

The Staff of Magius is just, there. It wasn't a second ago!

"Teleportation."

Pause... Gesture for a second, point... Sit back.

"... Kay. Alright, I guess that works. ... Still would have been cool to watch it finger walk in here, I'm just saying."

"That is a bizarre mental image."

To say the least.

"...The crystal would get in its way."

But he's willing to play along in the bizarre mental image a bit. Must be the sheer exhaustion.

"Noooo, not if it finger kicked a floating feather fall ball up the stairs."

Yes good, engage him in this stupid, stupid conversation, he loves it.

"...Finger kicked a... what?"

Good job, Wade, you broke him.

"Man you know, like- shit actually, have you ever seen a helium balloon before? Fuck, this analogy isn't gonna work if you haven't seen a balloon."

"I have not."

SORRY WADE.

"Okay okay hold on." Phone out, doing something on it, give him a sec... And after a moment, he flipped the phone around for Raistlin to watch.

Watch a video of a cat swatting around a balloon, specifically. TADA.

"Alright that's a balloon. Like a semi-permanent bubble. So what if, what if, the staff cast feather fall on the gem, and then like-" He mimed walking with his fingers for this, because a visual demonstration was in fact very necessary, "kicked the gem up the stairs, like a balloon."