filthhub | (no subject)

(no subject)

"Massster..." this came from a disembodied head floating in front of Raistlin's desk. The archmagus didn't look up immediately, busy scratching writing onto a piece of flattened parchment, the quill in his thin golden fingers practically vibrating with the speed of his notes.

Genessia was a land of fascinating marvels. He'd be sure not to forget a single one.

"Masssster pleasssse," the head tried a second time.

Finally, Raistlin glanced up, impatient at the interruption. "What?"

"Therrrre is an intruderrr in the Grrove."

That. That was interesting, and Raistlin's hand finally stilled. "In the Grove, you say?"

"Yesssss. The defenderrrssss have not been able to kill it..."

Extremely interesting. Something from Genessia, no doubt, nothing else would make sense. The blackrobe dabbed the last of the ink off the feather quill onto a pad and set the instrument aside, and then took the time to carefully close up the inkwell. This could take a while.

And so it was that whatever this stranger was doing, he suddenly wasn't the only living creature in the dark, ancient grove. Raistlin lurked in the deepest shadows, silently watching.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"That is actually the opposite of the thing that I asked you to do." WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. IT'S NOT LIKE HE BROKE INTO YOUR HORRIFYING HAUNTED GHOST FOREST OR ANYTHING.

Shit he was toasty though. Of course Wade would flinch away, his skin was, in all honesty, quite sensitive, considering all the exposed nerves in there. Most of that looked like either an old, or still healing burn wound. However, it wasn't really the sensation of being touched that bothered him.

More along the lines of the actual weird intimacy of the moment. Not a fan. Have to ruin this.

"... So are we gonna kiss or nah?" STOP TOUCHING. "I would be super duper happy to tell you a bunch of shit, if you gave me my fucking mask back. We live in a society.

... Also do you need like an ice pack? Aloe? Did you stuff your bathrobe full of Hothands hand warmers?"

The moment of eye contact that followed that whole... mess that came out of Wade's mouth, probably didn't help, either.

Most people saw their own death reflected in those hourglass eyes.

Raistlin knew just enough of this stranger, now, to wonder what he saw.

But finally, after that good long moment, he took his hand back from Wade's face and straightened back up once again. At least, to his normal level of hunched lean against the staff at his side. "...Very well."

What, the kiss?

Well, no. Raistlin plucked the mask from his belt and tossed it to land in a leathery splat right on Wade's face. Mask returned. Happy?

Edited 2019-07-19 05:56 (UTC)

Well, if he saw anything, he certainly wasn't saying. Yes, actually, it was super uncomfortable, to say that and then look directly into the face of a complete stranger who had his jaw in his hand. A little awkward, he did actually kind of regret it. Not enough to apologize, he fucking hopes you're uncomfortable too, prick.

"... Wait what-" Oh no, ok okay. Raistlin got a big, over exaggerated, relieved sigh fluttering out from under that mask. "Oh good, I was concerned." With movement now fast returning to his arms, he fumbled with his mask for a moment, before yanking it back on. It didn't really matter too much, his new best friend forever had already seen his face.

It was the principle of the thing.

"Well, that was magical, I really feel like we've bonded today, nameless forest wizard. I can tell, you're really busy though, so I'm just going to army crawl to the edge of the woods and wait for the adrenaline to wear off. Feel free to maintain a comfortable distance of five feet at all times, cool? Cool." Oh did you think he was kidding about the army crawl? Fuck no.

Here he goes, just front arms, all elbow, gonna just drag his half responsive ass back to the edge of the forest because he was also very serious about ten heart attacks being his limit.

Too fuckin' scary in these woods.

"And why is this called an... army crawl?"

Don't mind Raistlin, just casually walking along with. His presence is all that's keeping the undead at bay, anyway. Be grateful.

He appreciates it, really.

"Well, it's good if you're trying not to get shot, or crawl under some barbed wire, or stay hidden in the grass, or it's been a year and two months since you last saw your girlfriend and only the gritty unyielding soil of base camp is enough to get you off anymore, so it's mostly used by soldiers.

Or if you have a serious clay fetish."

As per usual, more than half of what came out of Wade's mouth was discarded with the ease only decades of knowing a kender could afford.

"Perhaps so." At least at the shot part, although Raistlin was envisioning... you know, archers. With arrows. Which went down as much as out. But it wasn't important, so he let it be.

"And why are you apparently incapable of remaining dead?"

Right back to the point, here we go!

"Okay yeah I did actually say I'd answer that didn't I?" God, why did he come into this forest this far Jesus.

"So I'm not a fucking genetic cell biology scientist or anything, so what I'm going to tell you is how I understand it. And how I understand it, is that I was born with the ability to have multiple heart attacks and keep waking back up for another one, but it had to be-"

He grunted, hoisting himself up onto a stump for a breather.

"Activated by weird science shit in order to work. Like I said, I'm not a scientist, so what the fuck do I know?"

"So you were born with some sort of anomaly that... ah, 'weird science shit' unlocked."

Damn. Probably not replicate-able, then, although Raistlin still wished for a moment that he had a way to take notes while hanging out in the Grove like this. When Wade went for the stump, Raistlin paused near it, leaning against his staff as usual.

It sure was dark in these woods.

"Shirak," whispered without preamble; the crystal atop that staff of his lit up brightly enough to cast their immediate area in cold white light, glittering off his skin where his hand clutched the staff. At the edges of the light, movement stirred and retreated; the undead lingered close.

"Yeah. Look, I don't have my medical records on me, let's just call it a terminal case of failure to die. There's people where I'm from called 'mutants'. Just born with super powers that wake up on their own, it's all great for them. And some of us don't actually have super powers-" He grunted again, punching his left leg before kicking it out. There.

"Until someone fucks around with our genetics." A pause... Oh yeah, weird... medieval wizard probably won't know what that is, will he? "More science shit, don't ask me. The town has a library."

And all of a sudden, lo, there was light, Wade jerking his head up just in time to see the undead mosh pit he'd just escaped from retreating back into the darkness. Yeah fuck you.

"So uh.... What's it like being a sparkly forest wizard? Looks fun."

"I have perused many books from their libraries. I will add 'genetics' to the list."

Yep, just like that. Gonna learn him some genetics because he can.

Just try and stop him, number of hours in the day! He'll fight you and he'll win.

"Your manner of speech grows steadily more difficult to parse," he whispered next, strange eyes fixed on Wade from under his hood. "Are you asking... what it is like to have magic?"

Best guess here.

Edited 2019-07-19 08:08 (UTC)

"Sounds like a great way to burn four years worth of lazy afternoons." Genetics, not exactly light reading! He tried to learn a bit of it himself but hahaha no.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

"If you think this is hard to understand, I'd stick around. It only gets more fun with a bowie knife in the frontal lobe." BUT-

"Yeah? Magic's not really a thing where I'm from? It's all science and mutants and mind powers which, I've been told, is more science, but I personally think that's bullshit. I'd do my research, but when I ask someone with mind powers what it's like being a sparkly mind wizard, I get my brain popped like a ripe grape.

.... So yes, yeah. Magic powers, what's that like? ... Can you throw fireballs?"

Raistlin won't be trying to become an expert, at least. But he will learn the basic concepts, and probably a few of the more complex ones to boot.

Gods above, this strange human is an oversized kender. Right down to the line of questioning. This is very, very familiar ground.

"I can, yes."

Understatement of the century.

"Magic is power, where before I had none."

Wade Wilson, the giant, unkillable kender. Don't make the comparison, he might like the title too much.

".... Can I see?" Look, he dragged his half dead body all the way over to this stump, he deserves a reward. "Can you blow shit up? Like just-" He snaps his fingers, "and some poor fucker explodes into beef confetti?"

"...More or less, I suppose." Raistlin had to take a second there to figure out what beef confetti meant, but... sure. Why not.

However, "I am not demonstrating a fireball in an enchanted forest."

Sorry Wade some of us know how to think ahead a bit.

One of them has to, he definitely would wanna see a giant fireball explode in an enchanted forest, considering said forest's denizens killed him ten times in a row.

"Oh no, can't have that. Wouldn't want to set all the ghosts on fire." Please set the ghosts on fire.

"Okay fiiiiine, we'll go somewhere less foresty." That's right, he's set on seeing stuff blow up. No one has real magic at home, it's all mutant shit.

REAL MAGIC.

This earned a faint, thin smirk from Raistlin, barely visible in the shadows of his hood.

"There is always the tower."

You know. The one through the shit-gibberingly terrifying woods.

"... You mean the one I saw from outside the woods? The tower that's inside the woods? In the middle of these woods? The woods with all the angry handsy ghosts and the pervasive heart-stopping sensation of unrelenting, pants shitting terror?

That tower?" Why tho.

"... Sure, sounds fun. Can't wait."

"Yes... that tower."

As entertaining as the idea of demonstrating fire magic in, say, the great temple of paladine across the street may be...

"Do your legs function?"

We're not doing this at the pace of elbow-crawl, thanks.

Edited 2019-07-20 04:51 (UTC)

"Lemme check." One leg was working now, after all! He moved to the other one, going to land a good, solid punch right down on the top of the knee cap. A sharp kick out, and he thumps the heel against the ground a few times.

"... Yeah that's about as good as it's getting. Alright, let's get this nightmare over with."

"Very well," and Raistlin turned to start off back the way they'd come, deeper into the woods, the light of his staff still shining brightly enough to cast sharp and strange shadows through the trees.

"Take my arm, and the effect will be... less."

Still there, but, do-able.

"So I'll only cry a little instead of shit my pants? It's a dream come true, all of my birthdays are happening right now." Of course he's going to take his arm though, because yes this place is in fact, fucking terrifying and he'd give anything to not have to deal with the brunt of it.

The effect was immediate, like the thick velvet material covering Raistlin's arm suddenly dropped down over every sense that had been screaming with fear. Dulled, just enough. Not too much, but enough that someone sufficiently brave would make the full journey...

If not entirely unscathed.

The heat coming off the mage was still just as intense, of course, though the arm Wade had hold of would feel as frail as a bird's bones. Thin and wiry and, were one to paint Raistlin's frame in a positive light, extremely delicate.

Wade's standing height was... not in his favor, really, though the only indication was an odd look shot sidelong from beneath Raistlin's hood. But then, standing near enough to have his arm, Raistlin's face was quite completely hidden.

This close, the scent of dried rose petals and... decay, earthy and sweet, would be easy to pick up on.

Raistlin said nothing, opting to just lead the way further into the woods, the only commentary from him coming from the gentle clack of the things hanging from his belts, the thump of his staff with each step, and the whisper of velvet.

Edited 2019-07-20 05:18 (UTC)

Brave might not be the word many would apply to Wade, but in the end, insanity essentially accomplished the same thing. The dampening of that fear was just enough to ensure that he wouldn't be freezing in his tracks again, so long as he didn't let go.

Now, of course he noticed the size difference. Why wouldn't he? It was pretty obvious. But then, that being said, Wade was also a fairly tall person himself. With a handful of exceptions, he tended to be the biggest guy in the room.

So yes, there was going to be commentary, don't get him wrong here, but it's probably not going to be what Raistlin expected.

"... Sweet cologne by the way." You know, roses and corpses.

"Really adds to the whimsical ambiance here."

"I have no idea what you are speaking of."

No really what the fuck was cologne. Raistlin had been doing such a good job picking out meanings with context clues but this time he had nothin.

"You smell good."

This conversation is great, he is killing it.